Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

I’m single. And I have been for about 6 years.

I know more than a few women who are offended by the question “How are YOU single?”

But it doesn’t offend me. Mostly because to me, it’s not an offensive question.

Also because I’ve met people for whom I’ve had that same thought, and I don’t mean anything derogatory by it.

I’ve been divorced since 2001, and since then, I’ve been in a few relationships. Most of them, longer term, like…more than a couple of years.

My longest outside-of-marriage relationship was 3 years. It ended one day when he just up and decided that he wasn’t happy anymore.

It never dawned on me to ask him why. I think to some degree, I was tired. And I wasn’t happy either. I was ready to be single again.

When friends asked, “why didn’t you ask him why?” all I could think to say was “Meh. I didn’t really care why”.

I think I have “single brain”.

There’s an immeasurable level of freedom that comes with being single. Relationships can feel more like work.

Some relationships can feel like having a second job.

When you’re tired of putting in time on the first one, along comes the second, demanding not only your time, but your effort and emotional input as well.

I just wasn’t into it anymore.

Still aren’t.

Can I tell you a secret?

The fact that after all this time, I still don’t really have any desire to be close to someone again is starting to scare me.

I mean, I live a pretty good life that’s completely free of the headaches trials that I hear my ‘coupled’ friends going through.

No thanks.

My marriage was to a difficult, narcissistic, insecure individual, and the last thing I’m trying to do, is let that kind of stress on ANY level back into my life.

I’ve always said that if/when I get into another relationship, we’ll never live in the same house.

Regardless of where that relationship goes or how long it lasts, he will keep his residence, and I will keep mine.

That’s not meant to sound cold, but I’ve “been there, done it”, and climbing back into that boat just doesn’t appeal anymore.

I would even be cool with him living in another country (my daughter laughs at this).


I like the peace that comes with living alone. I’m an introvert, so my mental and physical space are very important.

Many people don’t get that.

There are a lot of perks that come with being single.

I’m not interested in cooking for someone unless I happen to be cooking for myself.

I like having the bed to myself.

I really like not being awaken (or kept awake) by someone snoring next to me.

I raised 3 children alone, and now that they’ve grown up and moved out, the peace and quiet are endless.

And I love every second of it. I’m not sure that there’s a man out there worth giving it up for.

I even resent the odd occasion that forces me to be social. Even if it’s a date!

I haven’t had one of those either in a very long time, and I’m cool with that.

My point is that there are lots of perks that come with being single. And many people (like me) are quite happy enjoying them.

Being single isn’t some kind of disease that we should run from.

Rushing into, or being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship can be detrimental to your mental health.

If you have friends who are single, and have been for awhile, maybe that’s just the way they like it. Single can be a mindset. It’s that simple.


Thank you for reading this article. If you found it helpful, please feel free to click the 👏 button to help others find it 🙏

Single mom to 3 grown ups. Growing into my writing career and enjoying the progress. I write mostly about self discovery, self improvement and relationships.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store