Single is a Mindset

💫 Sienna Clarke
3 min readDec 12, 2020
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

I’m single. And I have been for about 6 years.

I know more than a few women who are offended by the question “How are YOU single?”

But it doesn’t offend me. Mostly because to me, it’s not an offensive question.

Also because I’ve met people for whom I’ve had that same thought, and I don’t mean anything derogatory by it.

I’ve been divorced since 2001, and since then, I’ve been in a few relationships. Most of them, longer term, like…more than a couple of years.

My longest outside-of-marriage relationship was 3 years. It ended one day when he just up and decided that he wasn’t happy anymore.

It never dawned on me to ask him why. I think to some degree, I was tired. And I wasn’t happy either. I was ready to be single again.

When friends asked, “why didn’t you ask him why?” all I could think to say was “Meh. I didn’t really care why”.

I think I have “single brain”.

There’s an immeasurable level of freedom that comes with being single. Relationships can feel more like work.

Some relationships can feel like having a second job.

When you’re tired of putting in time on the first one, along comes the second, demanding not only your time, but your effort and emotional input as well.

I just wasn’t into it anymore.

Still aren’t.

Can I tell you a secret?

The fact that after all this time, I still don’t really have any desire to be close to someone again is starting to scare me.

I mean, I live a pretty good life that’s completely free of the headaches trials that I hear my ‘coupled’ friends going through.

No thanks.

My marriage was to a difficult, narcissistic, insecure individual, and the last thing I’m trying to do, is let that kind of stress on ANY level back into my life.

I’ve always said that if/when I get into another relationship, we’ll never live in the same house.

Regardless of where that relationship goes or how long it lasts, he will keep his residence, and I will keep mine.

💫 Sienna Clarke

Single mom to 3 grown ups. Growing into my writing career and enjoying the progress. I write mostly about self discovery, self improvement and relationships.